I actually heard the phrase “What do you do with those things?” from the teenage girl minding the till of my Megamarket on a recent supply run between blizzards. I was handing her a bag of avocados at the time and have to admit I was once again shocked at the sheltered food life the locals have led up here. I quizzed her further and got only “guaca-what?” in response. Yes, there are still places on the planet where avocados are considered exotic.
In exchange for her suffering my antics in line I offer a stock standard recipe for decent guacamole. I could tell you there are hidden tricks and secrets to great guacamole but honestly it’s all down to the avocados themselves. The perfect recipe won’t help you if your avocados aren’t ideal. Demanding global markets have made them available from the tropics year round nowadays but even with constant sources avocados are the fruit equivalent of roulette. Just a day or two difference can change perfect examples into unusable mush and oftentimes standing in the store it’s hard to tell if they’ve already gone off.
You want as firm as possible in your cart because you can always ripen them to perfection at home in just a day or two on the counter. If you’re faced with only ‘ready to eat’ versions, you can employ the trick of peeking under the stem to see if they’ve already crossed over to the avocado afterlife. If the colour under the stem is bright green or yellow-ish they’ve still got time left on the freshness clock but if it’s dark brown or worse, pass and wait for better avocado days because at least some of the inner flesh has probably gone bad. Grocery store trickery has seen the advent of pre-peeled and pre-packed frozen avocado but honestly I can’t see how this could possibly taste good. I think their persnickity character and the ongoing quest for a perfect avocado is nature’s way of telling us to appreciate good harvest seasons and find other treasures to fill the void in lean times. Some days just aren’t meant to be guacamole days.
I’ve tried to sort out rhyme or reason to the supply up here in the north but blast it all if I can find a pattern. I just got a six-pack of sheer avocado perfection in the dead of Canadian winter yet have had horrible examples at the peak of summer when you’d expect otherwise out of the plantations down south. The price is all over the map too ranging anywhere from under a buck each to nearly four dollars at haphazard times of the year with no correlation to quality at all. If anyone from the avocado marketing board can help me figure out the schedule, speak up for the sake of my tacos.
Whether you dip tortilla chips, spread pitas, or smear toast with it like Nigella, guacamole is best made the day you’re going to eat it but don’t even bother if your avocados are substandard. Make great salsa on those days instead.
Simply Guacamole
Four slightly under-ripe avocados with firm flesh, skin and pit removed
1 – 2 teaspoons “Louisiana” or Tabasco style hot sauce to preference
1 clove garlic, freshly peeled and minced very fine
juice of 1 lime
fine sea salt to taste
Optionally (I recommend all three at once):
1/2 jalapeno chile, stems, seeds, & ribs removed, diced very fine
1/2 sweet onion, e.g. “Walla Walla” or “Vidalia”, diced very fine
1 medium vine tomato or 5 cherry tomatoes, seeds removed, diced fine
With a sturdy fork, mash the avocado flesh to your desired consistency with the hot sauce, garlic, and lime juice. Alternatively you can use a food processor fitted with a small work bowl and standard blade for very creamy results. Add sea salt to taste, mixing well, then stir in any optional chile, onion, or tomato desired by hand to preserve their texture.
After a thirty minute rest to allow the flavours to permeate, serve immediately if possible or store with cling film on the surface up to an extra day in the fridge. Any exposed surface will quickly oxidize to a brown colour but won’t effect flavour if kept to a minimum.
Serve as a dip with a dollop of sour cream if you’re feeling indulgent or slather it on every taco and flat bread in sight.
