BBC News reported today that our favourite Canadian coffee and doughnut shop, Tim Horton’s, is exporting itself to the UK. The linked video shows befuddled Brits being quizzed on the finer points of Canadian coffee retail. Fairly standard expansion procedure for the recently merged-with-Burger-King corporation I’d guess so you’ll soon see a few outlets on the high streets. But here’s the catch, it won’t really be a Canadian interpretation even if it still bears the name of the hockey player that founded it in the 60’s.
The BBC began their article with “famed for its coffee and doughnuts” which is stretching the limits of ‘famed’ to my mind. Tim Horton’s makes coffee and doughnuts certainly but they’re nothing special. Not horrible mind you but nothing that makes me want to leave the house in the morning. Especially if they keep raising their prices. Classic Italian baristas have nothing to fear. Stuck in a blizzard you always appreciate something warm in a cup but we Canadians don’t seek out Tim’s for the flavour. In fact, we don’t need to seek out Tim’s at all. They’re every damn where. Roughly one for every thousand people in Canada. Every tiny village, every urban intersection, every last rest stop on the highway, you can count on a Tim Horton’s being parked there. Towns with no other attractions beyond a petrol station and a general store will have a Tim’s. So much so that competition outside of perhaps a few large cities is non-existent. From Starbucks to local independents, they all have to joust for space with the juggernaut that ate Canada’s coffee pots.
I can mentally count at least a dozen within a few miles of my house although I’d be hard pressed to tell you when I was inside any other than my closest ‘local’ outlet. I see them about once every other month since they’re next to the hardware store but I drive by plenty of their stores to see vehicle lineups literally snaking out into the roadways every morning. Canadians have forgotten how to brew coffee at home it seems but I have to admit that for cross country road trips they’re indispensable. Coffee, fuel, and a bathroom at least every 100km along the highways. If they really want to become my heroes, they’ll put electric vehicle chargers at every store.
That’s the first part of what makes them popular, everyone has one as a familiar local landmark. As in “turn left at the Tim’s and go four kilometres to get to Bob’s house” or “I’ll meet you in front of Tim’s and then we can head to the movie.” Since you lot in the UK have ample competition in the corner cafe space already, I doubt seriously if you’ll ever see more than a few token outlets on key street corners which means the critical mass that makes them so Canadian isn’t likely to happen.
That comprehensive blanket of warm spots with tables and chairs makes up the other half of the “Canadian Institution”. If you need a place to collect your thoughts while out on the go, you can count on Tim’s having a seat. If you need a little free Wi-Fi in a strange neighbourhood, they’ve got you covered for the price of a plain cup of coffee. If you want a sugar fix late in the afternoon, they’ll toss in a passable doughnut. Of course I’ve ranted about improving the quality and cost of your baked indulgences before but sometimes, you just need a bit of quick comfort on the go. Tim Horton’s can do that which is why they’re so ingrained in Canadian culture. In a strange sort of business-meets-public service phenomenon, they have almost completely replaced town halls, meeting centres, and any other gathering spot you care to name. Why? Because they’re everywhere!
So no, United Kingdom, we’ve not lost all our taste buds over here in Canada. We realize the coffee and maple bars are merely average. Try one next time you can’t be bothered to make something good at home.
Quick Facts:
- A “double-double” is just Canadian for drip coffee with two sugars and two creams
- Tim’s tea is particularly substandard but perhaps they’ll do better in the UK where people know better
- “Tim Bits” are just the doughnut “holes” sold in little boxes of a dozen or two
- The baked goods are made in a giant central facility and shipped to outlets to be ‘finished’ at retail – almost no scratch baking occurs at the stores
- Most locations have free Wi-Fi
- They have strict time rules for how long their coffee can ‘sit’ after it’s been brewed so it is at least fresh
