Bacon Cream Pasta For Edesia's sake, DON’T call it Carbonara!

Fast Fake Pasta

Posted on May 8, 2022

I’m told that geniune Italian handbags are pricey affairs with counterfeits galore at every turn. The same applies to various “authentic” dishes from around the globe, Italy included. And you know Italy, I get it. I totally understand why you’d want to protect a national culinary treasure like Pasta Carbonara. I’d be just as picky about the ingredients and method as you are if I was sitting at your table. Guanciale (cured pork cheek), Parmesan, egg yolks, NO added cream, etc. It’s delicious and as rich in tradition as taste. Keep fighting those that would assail the old ways.

That said, out here in the wider world, deprived of key ingredients and often with a dearth of food traditions of our own, we have to work with what we’ve got. A pasta fake made at 3am with pedestrian bacon and cheated with whole eggs, cream & too much black peppercorn is still pretty dang delicious. When you’re in a hurried hunger and want, even NEED something ridiculously filling that justifies a heap of calories, this recipe is worth having in your crazy expensive Gucci purse.

For genuine Carbonara and indeed many of its imitators, cooks regularly strive for a smooth creamy sauce. Perfectly fine if that’s your choice but my long-standing twist was learned from an Italian-American decades ago who told me her family’s tradition was to add just a few spoons of lemon juice. This will almost instantly assure your sauce WON’T be creamy smooth (see photo). What it does do however is form some very simplistic curds in the mix that “stick” to the pasta incredibly well. Almost as well as the included Parmesan. I haven’t made “slippery” bacon pasta since my re-education at the hands of that authentic nonna. If you want silky smooth, leave out the lemon, only use the yolks of the eggs, and go easy on the cheese.

Bacon, Cream & Parmesan Pasta In Fifteen Minutes (or less with practice)
“For Edesia‘s sake, DON’T call it Carbonara!”

All measures are to preference. As a starting point for two people try five rashers of bacon, 500g pasta, 200ml cream and a single egg. Parmesan and freshly ground peppercorn is usually measured in willpower or lack thereof. Work up or down on everything in subsequent pasta fits until it’s to your liking. Take good notes.

Boil pasta in well-salted water to 90% done. While waiting for perfection there, fry diced bacon/pancetta/convenient cured pork product to nearly crisp edges over medium heat in a large pan. A clove or two of garlic sliced thin can go in a few seconds before proceeding but beware the dreaded burnt garlic. When ready transfer pasta to the bacon pan (leaving both bacon and rendered fat in the mix) with tongs that *mostly* drains it in the process. Frequently TOSS with a splash more pasta water and added butter and/or olive oil as needed until your inner pasta soul tells you it’s right (heated through, perhaps browning a bit round the edges, etc.).

Whisk egg(s) into cream (not milk) with a healthy spoonful of lemon juice to curd slightly. Include overly generous measures of freshly ground black peppercorn or even a modest pinch of chile flakes on the milder end of the spectrum. Pour this cream mix into the pasta pan, freshly grate in too much Parmesan, then toss like a madman for several minutes until turning out onto a WARMED plate. DO NOT put these efforts on a cold plate you pasta philistine. Probably doesn’t need more salt but check to be sure.

Green herb-ish bits are quickly lost in this heavy mix but the optional last minute addition of lemon zest or a squeeze of more fresh lemon juice at the table can lighten things pleasureably if you remember before inhaling it all. A fat, bold wine of any colour and fresh garlic bread nearly always helps the whole affair become more than just late night ‘post-pub’ pasta.

– msh v2.2

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